Okay Shanghai, after a weird 2022 Halloween, we're about ready to bust all our nuts on 2023, cause it's about time we got as gory, slutty, and with Taobao ...downright fcking nuts this year. WHY NOT!
So if you haven't chosen an outfit and are panicking, well...probably too late to order something and habe it delivered in time, so... this is just for shitz & giggles. (But for real, if you need an outfit, head down to Ruby's Party ryt nao or add their WeChat: ruby64016323 to see outfits.They'll kuaidi costumes if you don't have to heart to go to Hongqiao)
We're diving face-first into Taobao's Hall of Halloween Shame for 2023. This ain't just another Halloween pop-up; it's the epicenter of the downright strange, a treasure trove of "why-would-you-even?", and the final resting place of fashion's most egregious mistakes. Well, some of you weirdos might actually love some of these :)~
DARK WEB psychos
If you grew up loving Bettlejuice, Taobao has some cheap-ass looking Beetlejuice-adjacent options. The cheap part... well, it's intended of course (and goes with that 40 kuai price tag).
THE kuai di from Hell
Only in China will you find an Eleme driver carrying around his own head for 5,000 kuai. Wonder how this thing works, and damn... 5k. If you see anyone rocking this outfit at ALTER.'s party at the Bund Finance Center, cozy on up to them, cuz they should be buying the drinks.
REAL SIZE KONG
People say that "size doesn't matter". But for those who think that's bullsht, there's King-Size King Kong's obviously for dudes with big dongs. Ahhh ryhming and alliteration. Might be fun to rock one of these and crash a kid's halloween event. (No, don't do that Shanghai)
Obsessed Ex Lover
For less than 200 kuai, you can look like a futuristic AI powered sex-doll, and call yourself an obsessed ex-lover. Good option if you want to head to FoS' bash at Liquid Laundry to stalk your Ex (Don't stalk Shanghai, we've been publishing too many articles about lawyers, so everyone's got one now).
CNY TRAVELLER
Xin Nian Kuai Le! Looks like Mr. Huang is shrimpin' his way back home for Chinese New Year riding a big shrimp, cause... well that's what everyone does naturally. Dude, where's my shrimp?
Murder, She Wrote
Freak people the fck out for 37 RMB with... ohhh... a plastic trash bag with tape. Might be kinda hard to party in... or do anything at all? But, perhaps there are a few of you, who this year, would be content with just laying on a floor somewhere.
Ninja Turtle Costume: Skinny Edition
2023 brings us twink versions of the teenage mutnant ninja turtles. Who cares about biceps man, they were so 90's, we need something to accentuate our slim backsides baby. Twink Turtles ftw.
THE AYI FROM HELL
This is probably how your ayi really looks like after cleaning up after your binge-house parties. She ain't happy. Big options ranging from 100 RMB to 1.5k. Kid sold separately.
MAGIC TOILET FANTASY
If you've ever wanted to strut around town sitting atop a porcelain throne, TaoBao is here to fulfill all your dreams regarding some of nature's most unstoppable forces. Totally realistic looking too.
knock off shrek costume
Introducing... Shrek's distant and significantly less funded relative from the parallel universe of economized epics. This costume might make you question whether Shrek had a lesser-known sibling who preferred thrift shops over fairy tales. It's the perfect ensemble if you're aiming for 'budget ogre chic.'. Look at that Smile
unluckiest superhero
Presenting the magnum opus of thrifty fashion: the 'Happy Halloween Mighty Atom' tee. Featuring a 'hero' who looks like he stumbled through the markdown aisle and got caught in the cobwebs, and somehow tiger scratches for the arms? At $2, it's a steal... or maybe they're paying us to wear it?
tossing SALAD Péngyǒu
Introducing the 'Bark, Bite, & Inflate Delight!' Blue inflatable pants, because subtlety is overrated. Our attached pooch? He's either got a hankering for some cheeky fun or is just a fan of fresh veggies. Either way, it's a look that screams, 'I'm here to be the life, laugh, and scandal of the party!
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