If you’re visiting or hosting relatives on CNY, you can’t just run downstairs to Buddies, grab some Asahi tall boys, and call it a day. You don’t want to look cheap on CNY. Face it: you have to prepare some real gifts for the fam.

So your first move is to see what you can regift. Like those bottles of wine someone brought to your house party and no one drank. Or that electric skateboard you won at the nianhui. Or maybe that DVD boxset of The Wire you bought in 2016 and never unwrapped. Then you realize you don’t have appropriate gifts for everyone, and your partner gets upset and cancels sex because you “don’t care about family” or “long-term plans.” This feels selfish because at least they get to see their family, and you haven’t been home in over two years. But you decide that buying gifts is easier than enduring the screaming and emotional hostility, especially with all the construction upstairs.

And that’s where Sam’s Club comes in, because this Chinese New Year, they have the perfect gift for every member of the family.

Gifts For The Home

Yes, Apartment is a member of the family. And these are a few of the trendiest gifts for apartments this holiday season.

Fireplace

That’s no space heater - it’s a vintage electric stove. And your Ayi who is actually a Douyin wanghong in Nantong is about to do a vlog about it.  

Meats

You’re not going to convince anyone to do a meatless CNY, so you may as well go with some choice cuts.

CNY Decorations

"Sam’s: It’s a vibe."

Monopoly: Chinese New Year Edition

Never too early to teach your kids about buying property.

10 Kilograms of Rice

New year, new rice.

Gifts For The Aunties In Your Life

Ayi Gossip Pack

This pack contains many of Ayi’s favorite treats. It’s the Playstation 5 of Ayi treat boxes.

Gifts For The Uncles In Your Life

Hennessey X.O. CNY Edition

Always, always a good call.

We Be Jamón

It’s about to be a global HAMDEMIC this CNY. Sheeeeeit.

Big Boy Baijiu Set

Whole lotta red.

Gifts For The Elders In Your CNY Story

Chicken Stock Seafood Porridge Gift Pack

This is some good stuff! You probably didn’t like coffee when you were five, right? So you might not understand the magic of chicken stock seafood porridge – yet.  

Dried Goods Gift Pack

You don’t need to understand why this is so lit – you just need to understand that it is extremely lit.

Gifts For The Leaders Of Tomorrow: The Kids

Puzzle & Cards Gift Set

Nice variety of games here. Some Black Cat Detective and Huluwa playing cards for poker, a couple of puzzles, and some dice. These might even encourage you to finally turn off Chunwan and stream some episodes of Black Cat Detective but then realize it’s actually pretty dark and brutal.

Hongbao

No way around it - you gotta give some cash to any of your nieces and nephews so, um, pick up some hongbaos at Sam’s.

Books x Life

Kids under three years old can’t handle cash, but unfortunately there’s a CNY clause where you have to still give cash to their parents. But maybe just give them this velcro book instead. There’s a fried egg inside.  

Gifts For Those Cousins

Wine For Cousin Feifei

For cousin Feifei who works in Shenzhen but still travels home every two weeks to go to flower expos with the fam. Grow up and be independent, Feifei!

We Don’t Actually Know What This Is

But it’s for that eccentric older cousin who lived in Dali for like 10 years but then moved back around 2017 and always talks about the Mandela Effect.

Gifts That Will Make Everyone Love You

Cherries

You could have brought bananas, or oranges, but you brought cherries. And people noticed.

Juice

If baijiu is the only choice, you’re going to be drinking a lot of baijiu. Options are good.

Chocolate Cake

These are good for when you’re playing truth or dare with the family.

Strawberries

Have you ever met anyone that doesn’t like strawberries?

Gifts For Yourself

Purple Ultraman

You deserve it.

1.75 Liters of Jack Daniels

This is good to have around for those times when you’re playing frisbee with the family dog, who is extremely poorly trained, and then the dog accidentally bites you and draws a bit of blood, so everyone starts debating whether you should go to the hospital to get a rabies shot. And even though the dog is never around other dogs, the elders are still visibly concerned, and even though you’ll need a PCR test, you decide to go get the series of three rabies shots, just so everyone can sleep better. And after that you might need a stiff drink. Jack Daniels.

An Apple Pie

They are your comfort animal this week.

After you’ve picked out your gifts for everyone, you can really relax, knowing that you’re well prepared for a week or two of Chinese New Year. You won’t hear any construction, and no one will think you’re broke. Get rich in health, spirit, and love!